All She Knows Is I Keep Looking Away: The Hidden Cost of Working From Home as a Mother

I hate that I sometimes find myself wishing my baby would take a nap or sleep longer — just so I can work.
It's not fair to her that I'm always distracted.

I can’t give her the full presence, love, and connection she truly needs and deserves.
All babies do.

Working from home isn’t the dream — it’s a compromise.
A survival tactic in a world that refuses to see that mothering is work.

Yes, remote work brings mothers and babies a step closer together.
But let’s be clear: working from home with a baby is not the goal.

It’s extremely difficult.

It’s an insane balancing act.
I work in 10-minute stretches, interrupted every time she needs me — or every time I catch her about to do something dangerous.
I’m typing with one hand while holding her with the other.
She climbs all over me while I try to think, plan, and create.

I am not just sitting at home and passively caring for a baby
I’m potty training her.
Teaching her language.
I’m making us three meals a day.
I’m trying to play with her — to be present, to connect, to give her affection.

The truth is: I feel split.
I feel like I’m not doing either job well.
And the person who suffers most… is her.

I feel shame.
Shame that I’m not fully present.
Shame that I keep saying, “Just one more minute.”
Shame that she might grow up believing glowing screens matter more than she does.

And yet — I’m doing it for her.
So we can live.
So we can pay rent.
So we can eat.

And the hardest part?
She doesn’t understand “work.”
She only sees that my eyes, my voice, my hands — aren’t fully with her.

She’ll never be this little again.
And I’ll never get these moments back.

So I’m trying.
Juggling.
Failing.
Loving.
Starting over every single day.

But it shouldn’t be this way.
We need to stop settling for survival as the standard for mothers and babies.

We need paid maternity leave — not just for postpartum recovery, but for bonding, attachment, and being present in the first three critical years.

It’s time we recognize that present mothers create healthy, thriving adults —
and they deserve support, not sacrifice.

Because right now, all she knows is…
I keep looking away.