When Caregiving Gets Misnamed: Codependency and Maternal Instinct

Codependency is maternal instinct in disguise.

What we often pathologize as “codependency” might actually be the natural drive to bond, nurture, and stay closely connected — which is maternal instinct at its core.

Maternal instinct is about deep attunement: noticing subtle shifts in someone you love, wanting to protect them, and meeting their needs. Psychology frames “codependency” in the opposite light — as unhealthy over-involvement, self-sacrifice, or basing your worth on another person.

But both grow from the same root: a powerful biological and emotional orientation toward caregiving and connection. In a society that doesn’t support mothers, that instinct gets misapplied in adult relationships. The natural channel for it — safe, supported caregiving — is missing or devalued.

So maybe codependency isn’t a flaw. Maybe it’s maternal instinct, distorted by a culture that has forgotten how to honor it.